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According To Science, These Are The Things We Should Do To Become Immortal


Immortality is one of the most sought after super-powers in fables. There’s always some evil super villain who burns down a village to get his hands on the potion that will grant him invincibility. Well, good news guys. You can put down the torches and pick up the candy bars because science has finally given us the deets on an eternal existence. Follow this guide and you should live to be 300 years old… maybe.

1) Eat More Nuts – According to The New England Journal Of Medicine, the more nuts a person eats, the less likely they are to die. 7 or more servings a week could lead to a 20% reduction in death.

2) Buy A Cat –  Believe it or not, The University of Minnesota’s Stroke Association states that simply owning a cat can cut your risk of a heart attack by nearly one third.

3) Drink More Beer – Based on their data, The Journal of the American Dietetic Association believes that drinking beer can greatly reduce the risk of a heart attack. It makes the human blood less sticky and therefore less likely to clot.

4) Chew More Gum – Stress is a known killer. Fortunately, scientists at Swinburne University in Melbourne believe that chewing gum regularly can drop your anxiety levels by nearly 17 percent.

5) Stop Eating Red Meat – Recently, The Harvard Health Publication linked regular consumption of red meat to an increase in L-carnitine-loving bacteria. It’s a significant discovery that helps explain the higher risk of heart issues associated with red meat.

6) Watch More Sports – Exercise has been linked to longer lifespans, which is good news for sports fans. The School of Medicine at the University of Western Sydney has found evidence that just watching your favorite team play will actually jumpstart your nervous system as if you were playing in the game. The effects are minimal, but shhhh I WANT TO BELIEVE.

7) Hold Hands With Someone – Researchers at The University Of North Carolina (the smart one) recently found data that shows holding hands with someone for 10 minutes could measurable slow the release of cortisol in the brain. In layman’s terms, this would reduce your stress levels and keep you alive longer.

8) Stop Screaming – Obviously frustrated with their argumentative spouses, researchers at Duke University concluded that screaming could increase your chances of suffering heart disease or a stroke. 

9) Eat More Chocolate – We should all listen to the Cleveland Clinic because their research shows that eating a moderate level of chocolate can offer your body some sweet benefits. They include vascular health, improving blood flow to the brain, and lower blood pressure. I think I speak for everyone when I say: “THANK YOU.”


Look. If science tells me to eat more chocolate, I’m going to listen. BRING ON THE FOOTBALL. Oh, right… no screaming. Studies also show that sharing this post with your friends will increase awesomeness levels. Who doesn’t want that?

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