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It’s The Absolute Worst Time Of The Year In New York City


Don’t go outside.

It’s the most terrible time of the year.

The time when broken umbrellas, lost gloves, and flattened scarves litter the street like actual human waste. It’s straight-up fecal out there.

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The time when New Yorkers question their life choices, their will to live, and, most importantly, their choice of footwear in the morning.

Spencer Platt / Getty Images

It’s Slush Season, bitches, and it doesn’t get grosser than this.

Do not underestimate the filthy depths of new york’s slush corners of death

— eringriffith (@Erin Griffith)

Generally, Slush Season takes place from December to April and is characterized by massive crosswalk slush puddles.

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These monstrosities are known for their size, their depth, and the fact that they’re completely unpredictable.

Worst part about this time of year in NYC: crosswalk slush puddles the size of Lake Huron.

— WillieGeist (@Willie Geist)

It’s really fucking scary.

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Crossing the street becomes a terrifying test. A block-by-block challenge. A game that is not fun at all.

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It’s like that movie Saw but worse because no one wants to play a game with a fucking puddle.

Spencer Platt / Getty Images

That game being: To jump or not to jump?

The problem is you have no idea how deep that shit is.

But there’s literally no other choice.

Spencer Platt / Getty Images

You eye that metal sidewalk strip and hope you don’t slip, fall, and crack your head open on it.

Spencer Platt / Getty Images

You hope that that part of the puddle isn’t deceptively deep.

Spencer Platt / Getty Images

And you pray you didn’t forget your other pair of shoes.

Just submerged my foot in a giant puddle of slush while wearing ankle boots…. love you too NYC

— theblacktracy (@Tracy Black)

Basically, be careful out there. Help your fellow person. Be patient at puddle crossings. We’re in this together.

Spencer Platt / Getty Images

A commenter brought to my attention that Gothamist posted an article about slush puddles earlier today. Seems we all agree that New Yorkers jumping over puddles is always funny! Check out their slideshow here.

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