There are many common mistakes we make that can stunt or even completely stop you from healing and sadly, I see too many people making these mistakes every single day.
I can tell you from experience that making these mistakes could very well be why your healing is taking longer than you thought and could be the exact reason why your journey feels like such a painful uphill battle.
Here’s one … Going over and over the events that happened to you because you’ve been told that’s how people deal with their problems.
But what if I told you this is wrong!
And you may be caught up in the web of learning everything you can about narcissistic behaviour because you believe it’s important to be informed.
Join me in today’s Thriver TV episode so I can lead you on the right path to healing for real.
In this episode, I’m going to take you through an exercise that is going to quickly show you the right way to heal – and you’re going to experience how simple, natural and easy this is compared to what you’ve been previously trying.
In today’s episode, I’m looking forward to sharing the following with you – the common mistakes that can stunt or even completely stop you from healing. Why healing doesn’t have to be as long, arduous and painstaking as you think. And the number one thing that you need to understand about true healing and how to activate the ability to heal for real from narcissistic abuse.
So, just before we get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel, I’d love you to hit the subscribe button, and also like this video, if you find it helpful.
The Ways To Not Heal
Let’s get started on the ways to NOT heal. This is really counterintuitive because you may have believed to talk about what happened to you because many people will say to you, “Talk it out, talk it out, talk it out.” But, the problem is if you are continually talking it out, it’s supplementing inside of you that, “I’m a victim, that I was wrong, that I was victimized, that terrible things happened to me.”
What happens is you actually literally, cellularly get addicted to these horrible feelings that your body is so used to producing within yourself, these peptides, and I have talked about peptide addiction before.
I really urge you to look up my information on peptide addiction and here’s the link for the video. Check it out because it is such an important understanding.
Also, learning everything about narcissists is such a huge trap that you can get stuck in. Because, again, this is supplementing all of the horrible things that happened, the fact that you don’t feel safe and you feel scared and that there are terrible people out there and it’s really compelling. It’s actually hugely interesting to get into narcissistic information because it’s fascinating, but you can get addicted to that.
Every time you’re trying to learn more about them, that’s the time that you are denying yourself your true Thriver healing, which only comes from turning inside with self-love and self-partnering and self-devotion to heal those broken traumatized parts back to wholeness.
The other thing that can be such a trap to fall into is that you get stuck in a belief that, “I have to treat my symptoms,” which means that, “I’ve got complicated post traumatic stress disorder,” which if you’ve been narcissistically abused, yes, you absolutely have it. You may be stuck in that belief because people are telling you, “You’re probably going to have that for life.”
So, now you have to manage it, which means that you may join groups that talk about PTSD, or maybe you get into groups regarding fibromyalgia or adrenal malfunction and all the things that narcissistic abuse brings without realizing that if you actually target the trauma in your body and address it at the causation root level and release that and bring in your healing to replace it, that you will actually have no narcissistic abuse symptoms.
Why Traditional Healing Hasn’t Worked
One of the big problems with our world is that it is focused on how to medicate or have strategies for symptoms without truly healing what’s causing the symptoms or we look to the outside and we say, “Well, my symptoms are because of that person.” Yes, it brought it on, it activated it, but your symptoms are because of the trauma in your emotional, visceral, subconscious, cellular system that is driving those dis-eases.
When you address the trauma, there is no dis-ease. It will melt away and reset to wholeness. So, that trap keeps you separated from that ability to heal.
The reason I know this is because like so many of you, I certainly wasn’t lazy in my therapy. For years I’ve been a student of personal development and healing and therapy and workshops and researching and learning. There were so many times in my life where I thought I’ve got all of the knowledge. I know exactly what I should be doing. I know why I’m not doing it. I know where it came from.
Yet in those times where I was under pressure and stress and when cortisol and adrenaline was going off, because I was having an inner wound triggered by somebody or something outside of myself, it was like being by remote watching myself handing my power away and unconsciously staying attached and connected to situations that I know were abusing me and hurting me.
Also, even with all of my knowledge, even of my childhood experiences, after significant abuse experiences, I would catch myself in the loop of obsessive thinking about what happened and why it happened and how it could have been different and why did that person do that. Then I would research and look at the information and get an answer that I thought would stick and give me peace and resolution or even closure, but then, I’d be back to thinking it over and over again, and then I would feel defective and broken. I have my answer. I should be all right now, why aren’t I getting better? Why aren’t I healing?
I know because I’ve been working with so many of you for the last 10 plus years, thousands of people, I know you’ve been through exactly the same thing. I know this is big. I know like myself you’ve been questioning yourself and saying, “Why isn’t this working? I’m an intelligent person. I’m smart. I’m strong. I’m capable. Why can’t I stop obsessing about this? Why is it draining me so much that I feel like I can’t get out of bed anymore? Why am I so depressed, so anxious, and why am I having panic attacks all of the time?”
The reason is because there is still trauma stuck inside of you that your brain is trying to manage.
The Shift That True Healing Brings
So, what is that shift that is needed for healing to begin? The shift is understanding how the brain-body connection works, how it actually is. This is the stuff that we haven’t been taught until we went Quantum. What I mean by that is looking at new science, Quantum science, new neuroscience to really understand what the brain-body connection is all about.
We thought that by thinking, changing our thinking, we could change our somatic, emotional bodily trauma. We thought the brain controlled the body. It’s actually the other way around. It’s the body that controls the brain. So, when we do the work in the body on your emotional visceral self, then your brain will automatically shift to follow what you feel. How you feel is how you’re going to think, how you’re programmed is how you’re going to think, who you connect to, how you show up, what your choices are is to do with how you feel and what your beliefs are, which is as a somatic belief system, at bodily level.
How Do You Heal for Real?
To heal, you need to understand you cannot think your way out of significant trauma, and hasn’t life showed you that? We tried that. We tried that so much and it just didn’t work. To change the way you think, you have to change the way you feel. To change the way you feel, you have to change your trauma. You have to release your trauma and reprogram your trauma with something so much healthier.
You think, “Well, Melanie, isn’t that all to do with my thinking?” That is the long, hard, slow way around that’s going to take you a lot of work with affirmations or all sorts of things, which we all did – affirmations, journaling, etc. – there’s a much faster way to do it.
I’m going to take you through just a little exercise that’s going to really help you understand the difference. I want you to start focusing on how your body feels when you say certain statements. I want you to say, “I think happy.” Just sit with that and feel it in your body. Then I want you to say, “I feel happy.” Just take note of that in your body.
Then I want you to say, “I think devastated.” Feel it in your body. I want you to say, “I feel devastated.” Feel that in your body. I hope you feel the significant difference. You’re thinking, the cognitive part of your brain does not even connect to your visceral somatic self. It’s not the same part of your consciousness. It’s not the same part of your connection with yourself.
Thinking is up here, feeling is in here. This is the shift that we’re making out of the thinking about our trauma. Remember the brain follows the body means that you can only think in the range of the trauma.
Generally, our thinking about our trauma is, “How awful it is, how shocking it is, how powerless we feel, how defective we feel and how somebody else has done this to us,” which grants us no ability to take our power back and change in here, to then change the brain.
I’m going to help you access and be with the feeling, to do something different about it, to be able to start healing. What I want you to do first of all is to help keep you out of your head, because in regard to trauma in your head is “stinking thinking.” We don’t want to be there. We want to be self-partnered in here. What I want you to do is to open your body and breathe. Just open your body and breathe.
Then what I want you to do, is to set the intention that you’re going to connect with something that’s been hurting you, right now. I want you to set the intention that you’re going to do this with love, and you’re going to do this with super presence, which means that you’re going to show up for you like you would a child who you adore. Let’s just set the intention that you are going to connect with something that feels uncomfortable or painful for you right now, something you would like to heal and help within yourself … just breathe and body open.
You’re going to feel it somewhere in your body. This is the wisdom of your consciousness. This is where it’s really going on. Not in your head that is running away with a “stinking thinking” of the trauma, which beats you up even more. Let’s get into our bodies, body open and breathing, and you will feel it somatically. Maybe it’s a funky or a heavy or an anxious feeling in your heart or in your solar plexus or in your gut. Maybe it’s like a powerless feeling through your arms or in your throat. I just want you to breathe, body open, stay out of the story, stay out of the information because it’s only “stinking thinking,” just feel it in your body.
Then I want you to say to yourself, “I bless and accept this feeling. I bless and accept this feeling.” and just breathe and have your body open. Then I want you to say to yourself, “Sweetheart, I love you.” You’re addressing your Inner Being. “Sweetheart, I love you. I am sending you my love and my healing.”
Just breathe and keep sending this part of yourself love and healing. I want you to say to this part of you, “I am going to show up for you. We are going to work this out. I know that if I turn inwards to you with my love and devotion and I come to you with the desire to help you heal, that anything and everything is possible. I adore you and I’m never leaving you again.”
I just want you to breathe with body open. I want you to know that the scared, insecure, traumatized, abused part of you is waiting for you, is waiting for your love, your devotion, your healing, you showing up and being present. I promise you with all of my heart because I’ve lived it.
I used to have complicated post traumatic stress disorder and agoraphobia. I had a full adrenal breakdown. I had a full psychotic breakdown. I was told that I would never heal unless I had three antipsychotics and that I would actually never heal, that I would only be able to hope to manage my breakdown symptoms and that I would never function as normal again. That was the diagnoses I had, and I discovered my Inner Being and my trauma had created such horrific conditions through the abuse, absolutely, but were not healing because I was disconnected from myself.
My Inner Being was screaming out for me and I hadn’t self-partnered and turned inwards and healed her yet. When I did, with love and devotion and with the Quantum tools that allowed me to not just heal these conditions but to actually emerge into a far superior confidence and wholeness and in a solidness than I could never believe was possible.
Now, when I did that, not only were there no conditions left, there was more health and wellbeing and wholeness than I’d ever believed possible. So, I want you to know it’s possible, but it starts by you turning inwards with kindness and tenderness. You don’t even have to work it all out and can stop trying to work it out logically. I promise you, that’s not the way to do it.
It’s by meeting your feelings in your body and working with them there. That’s what I would love to show you more about, how to heal for real, where you can actually come into a workshop experience with me and go through a Quantum Freedom Healing with me. It teaches you how to turn inwards and feel and hold and load up your traumas, release them cellularly, bring in source, which is your higher self, which has the power to heal what we logically can’t. This is what grants you the shift in your somatic, visceral body, which means that once you get that shift, you dissolve your peptide addictions to more trauma and your brain synapsis wiring gets an immediate shift as well.
You may have had those times in your life where you’ve had an epiphany and it’s not like you’ve got an idea. You are different. When we heal at the Quantum level, that’s exactly what happens. It’s not just you know how to get better, you’ve got better. I can’t wait to show you that.
So, please come into my free workshop with me, which is the Three Keys to Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse, where you’ll learn the three fundamental keys that are necessary for your true healing. You can connect with me in that workshop by clicking the link that comes up at the top right of this video.
So, as always, I am looking forward to your comments and your questions, and I hope that this has helped you be able to help yourself and heal.
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